things I love: a family update

     When I started this blog, a lot of it was dedicated to my kids. We were in their first years of life and everything was new!
     "Look! They just learned to sit up!"
     "Here are their first words."
     "Oh my goodness, look how much they've grown!"
     "We have a crawler on our hands...."
     "Watch this video of the first time (okay...ALMOST the first time...) they took steps!"
And on and on.
     There's this funny thing that has happened as they have gotten older. Continuing to publicly celebrate firsts starts to feel braggy. Over these years, several friends have had children who haven't or probably won't get to their firsts as quickly as mine. Some of them may never get to do these things for a first time. I've worried that me being excited about my kid doing something for the first time might make them feel like they're missing out or like I think my kid's better than theirs. Sometimes we act as though saying one kid's awesome at something implies that all other kids aren't awesome at that. Especially as they get older, kids start to reach milestones at very different times because they have very different strengths.
    What my friends of kids with special needs have taught me is that this is not a competition. They have gracefully demonstrated that we can be excited for my kids when they learn to walk and be (probably 10 times more) excited when theirs learns to walk. We can affirm how awesome it is that my kid does x thing and how awesome it is that their kid does thing y. One of us saying, "My kid just sounded out her first word!" means neither, "Your kid is dumb and you suck as a parent because your kid hasn't yet..." nor, "I should feel less excited because your kid learned this a long time ago." Even kids of similar ability focus on different things. I'm pretty word-oriented; I've taught my kids about words. My adventurous friend has kids who can climb trees and swim. Another friend has a kid who can name and recognize all the presidents. When I would find these things out, I used to panic. "Crap! Should I have taught them that, instead?!"
    (Okay, sometimes I do still worry that perhaps skills that can save your life -- like swimming -- may have been more important. But then I decide my kids can just stay away from bodies of water where they can't read the signs designating depth and such for a few more years. See? Different abilities are fine!)
   I say all this because I still want to celebrate my kids' achievements, especially if they've been working hard on them. They may be getting older and their firsts may come in a completely different order than others, but that's fine. My kids can be awesome like they are and your kids can be awesome like they are. This should be obvious to us all, but we need to be reminded. (At least I do!)

So here are some of the firsts in our family, not for those keeping score, but for those who enjoy celebrating.
- Israel went quiet in his reading for quite some time, refusing to try to read out loud if he thought a book might be hard. But today he started reading a chapter book out loud to me for the first time without freaking out. It said things like, "Buster wedged himself into Arthur's seat. 'My fault?' he said, 'You're the one who called Francine a marshmallow.'"
-  At the beginning of the spring, Eden forgot that she had ever peddled at all and refused to try a bike -- even with training wheels! (This, though I have a picture of her independently riding a tricycle at some ridiculously young age. So frustrating when you know they can do something and they won't....) I remember a spring day of her screaming like she was being tortured as I held onto her and moved her bike in a circle around a small parking lot. But yesterday, Eden tried out a bike without training wheels. I had to hold on the whole time, but she tried it without screaming bloody murder. She's super proud of herself.
- Eden asked to read to me today. She ASKED. I've been teaching her to read here and there for over a year now, and she's proud once she's finished a book, but getting her to pay attention and read from start to finish has been like pulling teeth. Today, though, she ASKED to read to me on her own. She reads sentences like, "I forgot to close the gate and Glory got out." (Thanks, Starfall!)
- Israel and Eden both put their faces under water for the first time, which was a tremendous act of courage for them. (For Iz more than for Eden, whom I believe is only "afraid" to do it because he is.) We're working on not running out of the water to immediately wipe faces with towels. We'll get there....
- The kids rode their first adult roller coaster. No big drops or upside-down stuff, but fast and crazy, anyway. They LOVED it. They want to do it again and again. I can't wait to take them to Kings Island and let them ride the big rides, though they probably aren't quite tall enough to do it now. But it won't be long, because...
- Eden just grew 3 inches in 6 months and is now taller than 75% of the kids her age. WHAT?! She used to be shorter than 97% of them!
- I'm getting size 7 pants for when Israel starts kindergarten in the fall. I'm a bit unsure which part of that sentence makes me feel more uneasy.
- Eden has figured out how to swing herself without needing a push...just this evening! YES!!!!
- Iz gets all happy and puts on an air of sophistication about making his own snacks and helping cook things in the kitchen. He's starting to be a great helper. It's been some time now since he first started getting breakfast for himself and his sister (while I pretend I actually get to sleep in) in the mornings.
- Iz is learning to play piano. He is pretty enthusiastic about it right now and will take "lessons" (about 5-10 minutes of instruction time) as often as I'll give them. He's pretty proud of his songs and will happily play them for you. Right now, he loves playing the Star Wars theme he learned by rote and the 5-finger scale song he learned by reading the music.
- Eden correctly used an apostrophe last week. If you know me, you know this puts joy into my geeky soul. That girl remembers how to spell just about anything I've ever had her write. She can now write "HAPPY FATHER'S DAY" with no assistance from me. I'm realizing she's not as on-her-own-wavelength as I thought she was.
- Pat graduated college for the first time. I'm putting it here not because he's my child, but because it's a case in point that firsts achieved later or through more adversity can be so much sweeter. I did not see a need to throw a party when I graduated college; it was just completing the next-expected life-phase. But boy, did I throw a party when Pat graduated! Pat graduating was AWESOME!!!

     One more thing before I end this post. I learned something new recently. Seeing how my children want to perform for praise, I have wanted to make sure I praise them for the right things -- working hard more than being close to perfect, having a great attitude over winning, kindness over smarts, etc.. I can see how it's especially important for perfectionists and competitive people (No, I don't know any...). We need to encourage and be encouraged to try our best and be our best, even if it doesn't immediately yield perfect results. We need to be able to praise others when they do something we wish we could do instead of merely trying to up our talk or our game. It's also just true that I'm more proud of my kids for working hard to meet a challenge than I am when they do things that don't require much effort on their part.
    But on to that something I learned for the first time. Some friends had posted on facebook about six words you should say today. I highly recommend reading it. I tried it for the first time recently. (I think. I hope I've said this before, but I really don't remember...) Instead of saying how great my kids did at reading or how proud of them I am for learning that song, I said things like, "I love playing piano with you," or "I love listening to you read." My kids' responses were very like the ones in the article. (Go on. Read the article. It's well-said there, so I don't want to repeat it poorly here.) Both gave me big, not-arrogant smiles. One of them gave me a hug and a kiss.
     I'm proud of them for what they've done and how they're growing, but also I just love watching them as they do it. So I'm writing to celebrate things I love seeing my kids do. I love watching my kids grow and learn and change. (Not to say it isn't bittersweet when I remember back a few years or that part of me doesn't wish I could freeze them in time at this point or that one.) As I'm writing, I'm looking up at the Duplo structure Israel built and put on my mantle to show to anyone who comes in. It's not the tallest one or the most complex or the best representation or most imaginative, but I love listening to him talk about it and display it. It makes him happy...and me, too.

Happy father's day!

I've been reading A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. I have been refreshed reading what she has to say, especially about Proverbs 31. You may know that as the chapter in the Bible devoted to "The wife of noble character." I realize this seems like a funny place to start thinking about Father's day, but hang in there. As I was thinking about how to properly praise the fathers in our church today, I was reminded from Colossians 1 that our prayers for others spring out of our thankfulness for their good works. We are thankful for every good work that they do and we pray that God will cause each and every one to bear fruit.

So back to Proverbs 31. So often we women (and maybe the men, too...I don't know...) read it as a checklist of things a good wife needs to do. Read like that, the list is exhausting and defeating. But Evans quotes Old Testament scholar Ellen Davis who says Proverbs 31 was written "not to honor one particularly praise-worthy woman, but rather to underscore the central significance of women's skilled work in a house-hold economy." Evans later tells of a Jewish friend of hers who says men sing the chapter to their wives before sabbath meals. How affirming! Reading it like this, I thought it was a shame such a chapter doesn't exist in the Bible that helps women know how to really praise their good men. It's amazing how being told you are something in this way makes you feel appreciated and also makes you feel like rising to the occasion. We all need these sorts of praises sung over us from time to time, and today is the day for Fathers. 

In keeping with my current ideas about Proverbs 31, I didn't want to write about just one husband in particular, so I asked women and children in our church to let me know some of the good works the fathers in our church should be praised for. I got quite a response and easily filled verses with the good works fathers I know do every day. My hope is that men will see themselves somewhere in these words and know that they are appreciated and encouraged as they continue on in good works. Chances are we all have some valiant fathers in our lives. Let's give them the praise they deserve!

A valiant Father, who can find?
He is worth more than diamonds and gold.
His family has full confidence in him
and has everything that is truly valuable.
He brings good to his family
every single day.

He knows his way around the kitchen
and he grasps the grill lid with seasoned fingers.
With his own hands, he grows food
and guests and neighbors always have a seat at his table.
After dinner, he faithfully does the dishes.

He gets up while it is still night
to pray with and encourage his brothers.

He considers a business and buys it,
and out of his earnings, provides for the community.

He takes his work seriously.
His mind and body are strong for his work.

With excellence, he selects wood
to build toys that fuel his children’s imaginations.
All through the day, he goes with them on adventures,
showing them how to have courage and fight the good fight.
Even when they are grown, he works day and night
to help his children achieve their dreams,
working to ensure their success.

His car is profitable in his use.
He considers it nothing to drive miles and miles
to ensure his children can spend time with their family,
even with their mothers.
He opens the passenger door for those in need
and extends his mileage to help out.

He ensures his children love their mother,

leading by loving his wife,
And he gracefully shares her burdens.

His eyes eagerly seek out his children
and love is in his gaze.
His ears are always ready to listen.
They are patient in their task.

He sets out early to find work,
and is able to trade with neighbors.
When times are hard, he has no fear,
but faithfully uses all his abilities, laboring hard to provide for his family.
His teaches his children how to conduct business
and they are able to follow in his steps.

At bedtime, he kneels and prays.
He sings over his children. His voice is the delight of their ears.
All through the night, he provides relief for their mother
by answering their call for help and comfort.

He has a place among the decision-makers and do-ers in this city,
striving for a good place for children to learn and grow.

He is clothed in strength and dignity.
He can look forward to the years to come.
His advice is trustworthy,
for he speaks over his children the very word of God.

His children recognize him as a blessing
Their mother, also, praises him.
“Many fathers are good, but you are the BEST!”

Flattering words are deceptive and muscles are fading,
but a father who puts God first is to be praised.
Honor him for all that his hands have done,
and let his good works make headlines!

 

Enriching roots

the family tree that hangs in my grandma's house

I mean the title of this blog in many ways. I like trees and the various parts of them. I like the idea of always stretching higher and never ceasing to grow; I also like being anchored and growing deep in a place. I had the pleasure of sitting down with my Grandma a couple weeks ago to look at old pictures. I had come only hoping for pictures of my Grandma as a young girl. I would never have expected such an exploration of my roots as I got. Since so many generations of my family spent at least some of their lives in the same fold of Black Mountain as I did, I was able not only to look at pictures, but to drive to the places where my relatives lived and worked. I came away feeling even more anchored to the people and the place they called home for a time. It is a wonderful place to grow from.

Last year I started watching and listening to Henry Louis Gates, Jr. explore the family line of various famous people. I've never considered myself much of a history buff, but learning about how individuals came to be who and where they are is fascinating to me. I'm not very impressed by genealogies as a list of names without faces or stories. There is very little for me to connect to in just a name. But back to Henry Louis Gates. I first became interested in watching a documentary on him tracing the roots of famous African Americans, trying to trace them back to Africa. Because that task is so difficult in the case of African Americans, what with the splitting of families and the taking of masters' last names in the era of slavery, I saw what a treasure finding those people (even their names) and their stories truly is.

Alfred and Martha Peters,
my great-great-great grandparents

Right: Ira Peters, my great-great grandfather

Of course, not long afterwards, I reflected that I had never bothered to gather this information about my own family. But there I was, sitting with my Grandma, when it landed in my lap. "This is your great-great Grandpa." (He's the one on the bottom right, with the darker eyes.) His name was Ira Peters. He wasn't originally a Peters, though. We don't know what he was. He was left on the Peters's doorstep as a baby and they raised him. I never knew there was an adoption in my family! I happen to think adoption is pretty cool. Of course, this means I can't trace any medical history back further than Ira Peters, but it's a small price to pay, really. :) This is the family his birth mom knew would take good care of him. Their names were Alfred (1830-1910) and Martha Peters (1830-1900). I don't know any other stories about them, but it looks like great-great-great Grandpa Peters might easily crack a smile.

Lucy (Martin) Peters,
my Mamaw's mom

Lucy (Martin) Peters,
my great-great grandma

So Ira was born in 1861. That means the Peters were 31 when they became his parents. In 1891, when Ira was 30, he married Lucy Martin, who my Grandma calls Grandma Peters. He died in 1908, around age 47.  Lucy, though, lived to be 90. My Grandma knew her and she actually died in the house where we were talking. She was my great-great-grandma. But I knew my great-grandma, Mamaw, so to me this lady doesn't feel far removed; she's Mamaw's mom. I loved seeing pictures of her. She must've been some kind of tough lady. Grandma said that since Ira had died young, she was left to raise (I think it was 6?) kids by herself. So she ran a farm and raised the kids herself. She made sure they all (including the girls) got an education, which was not common back then. I admire this lady. Just look at her. In every picture (and there are several), she looks so spunky and no-nonsense.

Mamaw Sherman in front of her house
up Gap Branch in Lynch, KY

Clifford and Gertrude Sherman,
my Papaw and Mamaw Sherman,
my great-grandparents

So "Grandma Peters" lived to be 90 and had a lot of kids. One of them was my Mamaw, Gertrude (Peters) Sherman. Mamaw was born in 1899, I believe. She lived to be 100, which means our lives overlapped until I started college. She married my great-grandpa, Clifford, and they had 6 kids. I knew each of them to a great or lesser extent. Here are a couple shots of them that I like. (I knew my "Papaw Sherman" too...but I'm just following the women here, for brevity's sake.)
She and Papaw Sherman raised their family up Gap Branch in one of the little houses built by the coal company for its employees. Grandma once called it Shack 11, but immediately made sure to let me know how nice they had made the place. Later, they moved a few miles up the valley to Cumberland, to the house where I was sitting with my Grandma. I remember celebrating her birthday every year in that house with family and a few family friends. We crammed 50-70 people in their house and all tried to come close enough to see the cake when we sang "Happy Birthday."
Mamaw Sherman raised her own six children, who are or were fine people to know and I knew/know them each, since everyone who was ever related to my Mamaw has never stopped getting together for family reunions twice a year. (We usually only make one of them, though.) Mamaw also took in her aging mother for the last five years of her life. When she was 60, she started raising one of her grandsons and did a very fine job.

Juanita Sherman around age 14
my grandma

my Papaw and Grandma when they were dating

One of the children she raised was my Grandma, who was born in 1930. She was a cute little girl from all the pictures. I'm not sharing them all here, but I plan to make good use of them. :) She grew up in Lynch during the Depression. When she was 19, she married my Papaw, Jim Slusher, who was one of the orneriest men I've ever known. We all loved him for it. They got married in 1949 and were married over 50 years before he died when I was in college. They lived in Lynch, too, mostly downhill from where Grandma grew up on Gap Branch. Grandma told me how glad she was to move into their little (but "bigger" to them) house that had two bedrooms plus one that was converted from a little porch. They raised their four kids there -- a fact which amazes us all when we think about it. I think it was around 1992 or so that they moved in with Mamaw and Papaw Sherman to take care of them as they were getting older. (Grandma would talk about when the older generation stopped "keeping house," a phrase I like a lot. It's a good job description.) She has always quietly taken care of whatever needed done, making it seem effortless. She is still very good at keeping house, and we were well-fed during our stay with food she had grown just down the hill.

My dad and his cousins in Mamaw's yard. That's him on
the left in the loud pants. He says I don't understand.

My mom and dad when they were younger than I am now

Grandma's second child and first son was my Dad, James. Unfortunately, I didn't scan many pictures of him on this trip, though this one stood out! My mom thought he looked cute, I guess. They got married 35 years ago and lived in the town between Lynch (where my dad grew up) and Cumberland (where my mom grew up): Benham. I grew up there until 1990. Like his dad, my dad was a coal miner and worked in Lynch. (My great-grandpa, Papaw Sherman, had a job working the trains at the mine in Lynch.) In 1990, my dad was one of many coal miners laid off and we moved to central Kentucky, where I spent the second half of my childhood. My parents still live in the house I grew up in there. We visited the mountains often, since it is where both sides of my family are from.

In 1981, James and Libby Slusher had a daugher: me! Four years later, they also had a son, but he'd be mad if I re-posted the picture I scanned of him here! :) I wonder what parts of all these people ended up in this little face and how much of my personality was handed directly to me from some of the people in these pictures.

little me

I feel so rich! I have all these pictures on my computer to share. I felt rich hearing personal accounts of years and people I never knew. I feel rich being able to talk to and spend time with my Grandma, who still works as hard as women half her age! I feel rich because I knew and remember four of my great-grandparents. I feel rich hearing of the hardship that had to be overcome in order for things to work out for me to even exist! My family is made of people who were born in and who took in. My family was a group of hard-working people from the mountains of Kentucky, largely coal miners and teachers. They lived long lives and each generation cared for their parents in their old age. We raised our own food (still do to an extent!) and loved sharing food together. We weren't rich in money, but each generation did very well with what they had. It is a proud legacy I hope to carry on. Thanks for letting me share some of it with you!

me and my Grandma after looking through all these pictures
(same place as the picture of my dad in those pants!)

visions and sights around the corner

If you read the post on my other blog about needing to get out of my yard sometimes, you'll catch the irony that I just returned from a vacation across the mountains and am happy to begin work in my yard. Then again, the whole point of vacation is to help you return  ready to tackle your normal life with renewed vigor, right?

At least for the first week+ back, we've all felt the extra umpf to work out in the yard we bought last year, which is just around the corner from our back yard. Iz in particular only wants to "work outside" all day, every day. Walk to friends? No, thanks. I want to work in the yard. Eden is happy picking raspberries to share with the neighbors all day long.

You see, we've had this plan. We drew it up months ago on the site growveg.com. It makes me happy to sit and just look at it. We won't get the plan done in one year, for sure. I've been calling it a 5-10 year plan. But the awesome thing is how much of it we've been able to get done in the last month!

There it is! THE PLAN. You can map out your yard (our house is along most of the bottom of this drawing, with the kids' playhouse in our regular back yard at the bottom right and the front of the property on the far left) and fill in whatever plants you want! It automatically fills in the suggested spacing for each plant and will even give you a graph showing when to plant and harvest each crop! Genius! So here's how it's going:

The weekend before vacation, we rented a bobcat to pull as much gravel as possible out of the yard. I think the yard was about 40% gravel, at least a foot deep. Maybe more. An epic 2 driveways and an improved alley later (you're welcome, Muncie...), our yard looked slightly different than it had before the three days of work. We're gradually pushing the wild brush and random stuff back to the edges, at least.

 

At this point, neighbors started coming over to ask what we're doing. One next-street-over neighbor we did not know previously came and operated the bobcat one hot afternoon, just because he has a lot of experience doing it and wanted to be kind. Another just came to check it out and give advice. Others say we are absolute angels for working so hard. (I have yet to figure out how those two things are related. Working on my own yard feels just a bit selfish, though I hope to host people in it eventually...or now.) Some let Eden give them raspberries to eat. Kids see us digging and come over to help. It feels like the way things should be.

We didn't get as much done with the bobcat as we'd hoped, so we have been and will be leveling and smoothing the land by rake and shovel from here on out. It sounded horrible to me, but we were able to level the whole garden area in just four evenings of work. Ta-da! (The garden level we did by hand is at the far end of this picture.)

Add caption

This is not in our yard...yet.

The PLAN is to dig a trench pond like the one I saw at the Indy Zoo/White River Gardens. It had these frogs shooting water into it and that seemed really fun to me. (That's the blue in the drawing.) It is so much fun to me to be an adult who is able to see something like that and realize I could put it in my own yard for very little money. (I think. We're not done, yet!) We were going to have it just be a semi-circle near the house, but then we went to Williamsburg and saw the cute bridge over such a feature and thought, Why not? We have lots of extra wood to build one. So I think we'll give it a shot. Not that we know about building bridges. Maybe our neighbors do.

the little bridge at Williamsburg
It will go to the right of the left-hand tree in the picture below.

 

After we got the basic garden shape dug and leveled, we got a bunch of old cedar boards (like 50 years old!) that had been the stands at the fairgrounds in town. We've heard a rumor that John Dillinger's butt may have been on one of these very boards.... :) In one day, with the help of a dear middle school student, we built, filled, and planted nine beds! (We have to leave open space for future construction for now.) To my astonishment, we have not 2 beds of tomatoes, but more than four! 50 TOMATO PLANTS!!! Oops! I kept thinking we didn't really have many. I will have to become well-seasoned at canning this fall.

 

as close as I can get to an aerial view of the yard to show how the overall plan is coming along

So there it is for now. It was long past its due date, but I'm proud of it like it's a new baby or something. But this time of year, everyone's inviting each other over to come check out their gardens. It's what we do. Hope you enjoyed the virtual tour. Come over whenever you want and I'll hand you a shovel as I expound upon this brief history! Holler down the street or send me a link and I'll come check out your garden, too!

Good

Earlier I posted snapshots of things that are good about the yard next door. Here are some "snapshots" of things that are good about my kids. These "pictures" were taken today. :)

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First thing this morning, Israel lets us know he figured out to pray for Jesus not to let Satan in anyone's hearts. Two days before, he showed up inches from my face to wake me up: "Mom, I asked Jesus and he got rid of all my sin. I'm not going to sin anymore!" Tonight, it was praying for Jesus to heal everyone who was sick: very sick, not very sick, and in car accidents. He will be so happy for Jesus's second coming. I hope it's not too rough for him in this in-between time.

---

Before we could eat breakfast this morning, the kids had to go have blood drawn. (Nothing alarming, just checking cholesterol, since high cholesterol runs in the family.) Israel was frantically trying to talk us out of it: "I'm growing good!" He responded quite like I expect most kids respond, though he calmed down just in time for the needle, a point on which I congratulated him. But not Eden. Eden was happy! Last time she had a doctor's appointment, she stated that getting the flu shot had "made her happy." She liked it! I thought surely such parenting bliss would be short-lived. But, no!
"They're going to take blood out of you and give you a shot. Do you want to climb in the chair by yourself?"
"Yes!" She climbed up and plopped both her arms out in the right place, veins up, like she had done this a million times. (It was her first time for a blood draw like this.) She didn't say anything else.
"Okay." The two nurses (I guess they routinely call for back-up with small children) looked at each other, astonished. I just laughed. "They're going to give you your shot now and we'll see your blood. Do you think it's polka-dotted?"
"No."
"Striped?"
"No."
"Well, we'll see." I sat by her to prop her up and make her tall enough to do this on her own. She watched them stick the needle in and watched the vile fill up. "What color is it?" I asked.
"Pink!" She said, still watching. She did the whole thing without wincing once, hopped down, and said she liked it...again.

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We went to exchange a duplicate birthday present this morning, too. I told Eden she could choose what she wanted to get. In addition to wanting pretty much every greatest-thing-ever they had, she wanted to use some of the money to get a particular airplane for Israel. I let her, admiring her generosity. When we got to the check-out, the total was a few cents over the money we had from the exchange, so I told Israel to give the clerk his quarter. (A nice old stranger had given each of the kids a quarter at the grocery store earlier, which was also pretty cool.) In return, he got two dimes. He was pretty amazed at the apparent 2-for-1 deal. "I'm going to save these for college!" he said.

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Tonight at dinner, the kids both ate really well. Israel asked for one of the two "extra" corn muffins. Pat checked with me. I said I would like to have one of them later. He gave Israel the other.
After dinner, I half-heard Eden say something about wanting another corn muffin, too. I mostly disregarded her, because she never asks for seconds and she wasn't actually talking to any of us, anyway. She went in the kitchen, brought out the last muffin, and put it in front of me. "You can have it," she said.
"Don't you want a muffin?" I asked.
"You can eat it," she said, pointing to it again.
"But don't you want some?"
"We can all have some of it!"
She and I shared the muffin. I can't believe that she was willing to give me all of it when she wanted some, too!

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I love seeing the generous side of my daughter. I love the thoughtful side of my son. I love watching them learn how to interact with the world and with faith. I love when they succeed. Just like me, they often don't, but we celebrate when these things happen.

family pictures

Christmas is a great opportunity for a family photo. Everyone's together and happy. So we take a picture of everyone together and looking happy. We woudn't want to miss a shot of everyone...all together...looking (at the camera)...happy! It's one of life's simple treasures.

But let's be honest. Here's the real story of this year's family Christmas picture.

It was more of a quick-fix upon realizing that we hadn't taken a picture when we actually were enjoying Christmas together. So we called Brandon and Sarah to dress nicely and come back over. The rest of us managed to cut Israel's hair (which disappointed his Aunt) and give both kids a bath, fix their hair, and put on nicer clothes ourselves (even my pretty-sick father!) in not much over half an hour. Friends/in-laws showed up just in time to witness the event. My lovely daughter has broken the flash on my camera (which I don't like using, anyway). Dad found and set up a tripod. I arranged the lamps in the room just-so and took a test shot before involving any children. You know, to save needless chaos.

Yeah. That was about right. Re-arrange the superfluous furniture...add the rest of the people, and check the formation:


Wow. I couldn't tell on the small screen everything that was wrong with that picture, but the shadow people were creepy.
So we had our friend, Tim, hold the table lamp up at an appropriate height for the rest of the shoot while his wife, Robin, held down the shutter, per my instructions. I didn't know that my camera would stop taking four shots in a row, preferring to take a shot every 2 seconds or so. This made all the pictures completely unpredictable. I could hardly believe it when I took a look through over 50 pictures to find NONE of them fit our criteria of everyone together, looking their best, and smiling. But I think this is its own kind of better. Here's a real picture of family pictures. Enjoy them more than we did then and as much as I do now! (They may be best viewed by clicking on one of them and then seeing them in succession.)

.

Not bad...we just need to ALL look at the camera.

and not be hysterically happy...

or silly

whatever it is, Brandon, stop it!

alright, except for mom...

Too crazy. Swap kids.

fix Eden's hair...

...and nose-picking...now if we could just get the adults to cooperate...

Eden, just sit still with your hands on your lap!

...but not like THAT.ugh. ISRAEL!
tell the kids to sit STILL!but also to smile... but not a silly, too-big smile....
And then I lost it.

Oh well.

Family pictures.

Is it only like this for us or does this sound like your house, too?

What a GIFT!

You may have gathered from my recent facebook postings that my friends, Jason and Andrea, are adopting another daughter this week. It's been a wild and crazy ride this time around from the word "go," but I want to give them time to share their own story before I share it with you. But I wanted to share with you some of the amazing things I've seen from here. I'm told it's both Special Education week and National Adoption Month. Happy coincidence.

One of the reasons I am so pumped about this (besides the pure adrenaline rush and the fact that this kiddo is a Kentuckian, just like me!) is that my kids get to experience it this time around. When my friends adopted their first daughter, Abigail, Israel was just almost a year old and Eden was in hiding. This time, they get to experience it and understand a little about what's going on. We've made a couple of visits to the hospital lately to visit friends and their newborns who "just came out of their mommy's tummy," so when I told them that Abigail was a big sister, they of course asked, "Did Andrea have a baby in her belly?"
"Well, no." I said. "Someone else grew this baby in her belly and now she gets to be part of Abigail's family!"
Israel busted out: "That is SO COOL!!! Mom, we should do that!"
I agree with him on one count, anyway. :)

It is so cool. And I think these babies must be doubly loved. First, a mom, who for whatever reason would rather not have a child, finds out she is going to have a child and decides to keep growing that life for months. That's some love. She may not feel well, she gains weight, she deals with whatever social or familial repercussions exist with her pregnancy. She feels she is inadequate for the task of raising the child she is growing. She could be prideful and try to act like she has it all together*, but instead she decides to find a family she feels could give the child what she can't give her. I have nothing but admiration for such a mom. That is some love and some courage. (I'm sure God understands something about that, as He trusted His child to another family, to0...for opposite reasons, but requiring courage and love nonetheless.) I know how hard it is for me to admit when I don't have it all together. It's hard for me to admit it even to just one other person. I cannot imagine how much courage it takes to admit whatever weaknesses you find in yourself in a way that is put on display for strangers. To want the best for your child and be willing to look for someone else you believe can provide it...you have to love your baby a lot to go through all that for her. It's a selfless act of love.

Of course, the child is a complete gift in all respects. And no one knows this better, I'm guessing, than the parents chosen to adopt her, who receive the gift of a child. Parents who adopt amaze me with their love. Having had two surprise babies with nine months each to get used to the idea, I have no idea what it would be like to think about it before-hand and choose to suddenly welcome a baby (plus whatever birth family she comes with!) into my family. Jason and Andrea in particular amaze me because they chose beforehand to pursue a child with "special needs." The terminology changes all the time, but the term always is trying to get at the fact that some children face extra adversity in life and challenges to overcome. One of the challenges I've seen for parents I know of special needs children (in addition to the anxiety and agony brought by various medical procedures and unknowns) is that they have the frustrating job of teaching the general populace that their child is a gift. They know it. People who know their child personally know it. But I have heard enough stories from friends to know that too many people have become doubtful in this regard. Showing every day how valuable and amazing their children are seems to be more of a difficult job than it should be. Enduring people asking, "What's wrong with her?" in front of your child? No parent should have to try to come up with an appropriate response to that. But to have an inkling beforehand of what your child may face because of others and choose to walk that road with them.... Well, when I write it that way, what parents wouldn't make that choice? But to choose to walk that road with a child as their parent when no one is asking it of you? Amazing. And I know that both the child and the parents will be greatly blessed by the process and better people because of each other. That's the way it goes in life. But I reserve the right to be amazed by it anyway.

And if you haven't had the pleasure of praying for baby Shilo ("God's gift"), go right ahead. She seems to be recovering well from the heart surgery she had today at the ripe old age of 6 days. (She'll have open heart surgery in a few months.) She's a strong girl, that one! I can't wait to get to know her in person. I am beyond happy that we, in whatever small way, get to be involved and are blessed to call this family our friends. I'm with Israel: This whole idea is SO COOL!




*I'm not meaning to imply that birth parents don't have it all together and adoptive parents do. I don't know any parent of any child who can honestly be convinced they have it all together.

with artistic excellence

Disclaimer: I hope that in writing this post, I am not justifying myself, but merely sharing the freedom I've come into and the lesson I'm learning...again.

" It is assumed that one will have talents, materials, subjects – perhaps even genius or inspiration or vision. But these are traditionally understood not as personal properties with which one may do as one chooses but as gifts of God or nature that must be honored in use. One does not dare to use these things without the skill to use them well. …To use gifts less than well is to dishonor them and their Giver."
- Wendell Berry, in “Christianity and the Survival of Creation”


I embarked on our recent retreat (see post below) with many questions for God about my purpose in life. I am interested and passionate about so many things:

- education
- nutrition
- beauty
- hospitality
- deep friendships
- community development
- mentoring
- gardening
- parenting
- teaching
- writing
- and more, I'm sure, but these things are always near the front of my mind.

It is not uncommon for me to try to major on all of these things at once. And I know others who seem to be able to do it. But I've come to realize lately that I might not me one of those amazing, can-do-it-all sorts of people. My garden is barely identifiable this year. I am frustrated with my kids and just about everyone else. The nutrition I was providing for kids was made with at least as much stress as it was with love. The small neighborhood beautification projects I did became ugly again. I had several writing goals I didn't begin to attempt. And my friendships have become rushed, stressful things to maintain instead of rich things to be enjoyed.

The things I want to do are all good things. But too many good things make for a lot of bad things. It means that, though I'm taking on plenty of noble tasks, I'm not doing any of it well. And I hate mediocrity. I think God does, too. I went to the retreat knowing I needed to prioritize.

While we were there, we spent an afternoon at the Cincinnati Art Museum. They have an entire wing showcasing the work of Cincinnati artists. Apparently there was an arts community there in the late 1800's. (Maybe? I'm horrible at remembering dates.) Perhaps it was simply because they lived in such close proximity to me that I found them particularly interesting. Maybe it just made them more relatable. Maybe I just thought them more ordinary for that reason and was all the more impressed with their work.

Regardless, the work done by those artists was wonderful. There was a particular sculpture there that caught my attention as having been done with excellence. (Just about everything there was done with excellence, but this was particularly so.) It was "Eve Hearing the Voice" by Moses J. Ezekiel. The way she is both hiding herself (face, nakedness) and pushing the Voice away is striking. (This image is more striking, but even though it is not pornography -- we are obviously meant to be looking at the woman's soul -- I didn't want to post a female chest on here in case some people didn't want to see it.) This sculpture was slightly larger than myself, appearing a little super-human. I found myself, much like God probably did, looking for her face.

(photo from Quantum Interceptions)

This was one of the first pieces I saw on our visit and it was the one I could not forget when we left. There were so many beautiful things to look at and so much time represented in the works of art there. Each piece took so much thought, time, and effort to create! So much time that could have been devoted to others, to the poor, to justice, to community development, to whatever other direct dealing with making the world a better place. I wonder what their lists of "good things to do" would have included. I almost began to judge them for having spent so much time working with copper, or colors, or wood, or whatever instead of with people. But these artists did one thing well and that one thing still speaks to me today. And that was their contribution.

(I realize I am making assumptions here. Perhaps they were also very involved in their church or community. Maybe they gave all they had to the poor. Maybe they fed the hungry. I don't know. But the point is that they made a lasting contribution to humanity whether they did those things or not.)

Like all of us, I have many things I could try to do well. But (at least for this season of my life) I need to pick just one. So for the time being, I will be devoting my energies to making my house a house of peace that is nurturing to me and my family and welcoming to others. This means saying no to a lot of things that could justify my existence and make me look great on paper. It means saying no to things that are helpful to others. There are people -- two girls, specifically -- that I will be spending a lot less time with. But I'm hoping I will have better time with them and with others as I am a less-stressed person to be around.

Right now, I'm reveling a bit in this new freedom of "just being a mom" (or wife, or household-manager, or whatever). I'm looking forward to doing my "one thing" with excellence. Here are a couple of my gifts from God. I hope to use whatever skill I have honor both them and their Maker.